she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
