mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
