just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
