tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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