Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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