I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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