why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
