Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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