Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
