Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
