quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
