I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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