...so i touched it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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