I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
