Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
