Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
