I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
