You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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