Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
