She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
operation harelip BJ is a go
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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