Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
