My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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