awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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