i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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