i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
