you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
