Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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