I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize