Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just pee around me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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