i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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