Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize