FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
