All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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