Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
