Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
