I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
