I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
