I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
