I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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