Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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