oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize