so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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