she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize