if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize