my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
