Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
