did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
