btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
