found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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