the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize