I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
