I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
