Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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