Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
