he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize