Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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