i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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