Rock
Scissors
Fuck
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
