I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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