its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize