Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
