It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
soo... how was my night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
