I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So vagazzling was a success
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize