I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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