i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
