I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
