u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
