my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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