Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
