so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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