the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
