ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
