Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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