i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
