so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
