More tranny stories later!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did i just pee glitter
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