Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
