My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
