So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
