You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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