all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
