its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
