I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
