if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
