just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
