hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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