even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He felt like a one man threesome
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
