i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
