He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you made out with another girl for some wings
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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