we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
